The reason is because I’m SAD the blunt truth is the recent passing of my friend It has sparked f the loss of so many young souls in the last few years. KIWI if I could say goodnight boy I love you I would’ve done anything to stay up with you the night before surgery and the tsunami what happened? Why? you were 18. Thats just not fair. I wish I could’ve told you there was an earthquake I wish none of this had ever happened. I really miss you and love you Kiwi. I think about you all the time. I think about the fact I didn’t contact you back after the last words you wrote to me. ‘Goodnight girl’ those words will ring in my head forever you were a beautiful person with the right intentions. I will get that headspin proper the way you always wanted and I will see you in my dreams. I listen to your music all the time on my mp3 and need you like you needed me. You won the battle I am so proud of you. Where are you?
Goodnight boy,
see you soon I promise xxxoooxxx

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I have a specialist doctor who is suppose to be managing my pain. He said I can’t use pain killers for it anymore because I’m too young and they wont work. So he called the authorities in Canberra to stop my meds. But over the last six months the pain was not as bad with the pain killers. Now he’s taken me off them and said he didn’t. Which is a straight out lie. He said the Lyrica Im taking will rebuild nerve fibers but there is no documentation of this. My partner was with me and said “so It rebuilds the fibers?” Dr ****** said “yes”… Yet another Lie.

My local doctors told me I have been let down by the system. I think Im being let down by my pain doctor. I’m thinking of making a complaint but I feel bad because Its a public hospital run by tax payers money. The hospital doesn’t deserve a bad rep only that doctor. Next time I see him I will be telling him I’m making a complaint. See how it goes hey.

Peace,

NW

What a dream a life that doesn’t need medication. Well it’s a pity mine does but the doctor at the hospital has carelessly cut me off from my medication. I do not know how I will cope. I’m barely coping with it. I feel like giving that doctor some nerve damage. See if he goes asking for medication and help only to be rejected. It’s not a good feeling to know theres no help(or maybe i ment hope) for a young person with trigeminal neuralgia. I have to live. I have too many mates and family to kill myself. If only just to satisfy they’re need to have me in they’re lives. Does this make sense? yeah I know all this should be on my other site. It’s just this ones a bit more anon. Thanks for dropping by for a read. I don’t intend for this blog to make people feel happy or sad but just to hear me out. But please don’t just take away the sad pieces. I have happy times too. Just not a lot lately.

Peace,

LD

Well I didnt want to get detained so I walked out. Doesn’t anyone get any peace. I think I did the right thing. We’ll find out.

Peace,

LD

Last night I had a handful of benzos too put me to sleep but I’m awake already and it’s 6am.  I have been having auditory hallucinations lots lately, Its scary, unpredictable and makes me want to carry out orders I don’t want to do. They hospital didn’t seem to think it was a problem. They were so very wrong.

I have no idea what im gonna do today. I guess I’ll just stay out of trouble.

Peace,

LD

I feel so low and lonley. I have just come from hospital from being brought in by police. They detained me overnight. I truly am suicidal but it didn’t seem to matter to the psych. So here I am at home alone getting drunk and mixing pills. I sometimes wonder if I ever wake up. today is different I’m really alone my partners not here. I am sorry to all the friends I’ve lost I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.

Peace,

LD aka NW

I had physio today and hydrotherapy. Normally I walk out with my back feeling a tonne better but today its hurting to sit stand walk the rest… I know im probably slumping a bit and looking at the ground alot cos I walked into the car the other day n banged my head on the boot(it was lifted open).

Today I gonna make an effort to do something. anything. We’ll see what happens.

Peace,

LD (NW)

Sometimes I feel like I’ve totally had it with everything. Im frustrated anxious and in pain most of my days. Enough to drive anyone nuts. I don’t think all the tablets in the world would make this feeling go away. I just try to take everyday as it comes. I try and concentrate on the very simple things in life.

Peace,

LD (NW)

I haven’t felt myself lately. Today I almost stepped out in front of a car. I couldn’t I didn’t even think how the driver would feel. But thats been how I’ve been. Uncaring, cold and not much time for people. I feel scared I have never been this depressed before. I have racing thoughts all day that help make me feel nuts. Constant pain is also giving it weight.

I need to see a doctor soon. I think I’ll tell them the truth. Even if they put me in the psych ward again. I think what ever happens I’ll live. I just don’t know how much more crazy I’m gonna feel/be.

I’m gonna try kip it’s late.

LD

Normally I sleep when I sleep usually 3 in the morning but last night I slept at about 1am why is this you ask well 20mgs olanzapine, 50mg temazepam, 5mg lorazepam, 30mg oxazepam, 30mg oxycontin, and 75mgs of pregabalin. I do not recommend anyone do this mixture. It’s quite dangerous. I only did it so I could actually feel sleepy and pain free enough to go to bed.

WARNING: IT”S a deadly cocktail.

All drugs aside. I actually woke up feeling like I slept still had the nightmares though.

LD

August 2018
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