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I haven’t felt myself lately. Today I almost stepped out in front of a car. I couldn’t I didn’t even think how the driver would feel. But thats been how I’ve been. Uncaring, cold and not much time for people. I feel scared I have never been this depressed before. I have racing thoughts all day that help make me feel nuts. Constant pain is also giving it weight.

I need to see a doctor soon. I think I’ll tell them the truth. Even if they put me in the psych ward again. I think what ever happens I’ll live. I just don’t know how much more crazy I’m gonna feel/be.

I’m gonna try kip it’s late.


Normally I sleep when I sleep usually 3 in the morning but last night I slept at about 1am why is this you ask well 20mgs olanzapine, 50mg temazepam, 5mg lorazepam, 30mg oxazepam, 30mg oxycontin, and 75mgs of pregabalin. I do not recommend anyone do this mixture. It’s quite dangerous. I only did it so I could actually feel sleepy and pain free enough to go to bed.

WARNING: IT”S a deadly cocktail.

All drugs aside. I actually woke up feeling like I slept still had the nightmares though.


So I feel like shite today and have been for ages now. I told my new doc he thought I should go to hospital. I just don’t know.


I really don’t know how I got this far fu** the pain F*** everything. * Eveyday is so f**ing hard. I’ll be ok I just needed to vent some things. *You can find the uncensored version on the other site . LD

Today was one of my better days but for some reason I’m scared to sleep. It’s real lucky I have a few sleepers to help. The pain was horrible today. I dealt with it best I can. The zyprexia is also good to sleep on.

Tonight I think thats what I’ll do.



Let’s see for my official first post. I’d like to tell you somethings about me. Some of you already know of me through my first wordpress.

About me (at this stage)

under 30

I smoke and have the occasional beer.

Female – physically strong

Chronic pain

Short . Short of alot

attempted suicide

not happy with my self

Long history of mental illness, psycosis, phobias, all kinds

As I said I keep things short as I don’t have much
as I also have ADHD which is currently being treated.



May 2008
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