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I feel so low and lonley. I have just come from hospital from being brought in by police. They detained me overnight. I truly am suicidal but it didn’t seem to matter to the psych. So here I am at home alone getting drunk and mixing pills. I sometimes wonder if I ever wake up. today is different I’m really alone my partners not here. I am sorry to all the friends I’ve lost I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.


LD aka NW

Sometimes I feel like I’ve totally had it with everything. Im frustrated anxious and in pain most of my days. Enough to drive anyone nuts. I don’t think all the tablets in the world would make this feeling go away. I just try to take everyday as it comes. I try and concentrate on the very simple things in life.



I haven’t felt myself lately. Today I almost stepped out in front of a car. I couldn’t I didn’t even think how the driver would feel. But thats been how I’ve been. Uncaring, cold and not much time for people. I feel scared I have never been this depressed before. I have racing thoughts all day that help make me feel nuts. Constant pain is also giving it weight.

I need to see a doctor soon. I think I’ll tell them the truth. Even if they put me in the psych ward again. I think what ever happens I’ll live. I just don’t know how much more crazy I’m gonna feel/be.

I’m gonna try kip it’s late.


Normally I sleep when I sleep usually 3 in the morning but last night I slept at about 1am why is this you ask well 20mgs olanzapine, 50mg temazepam, 5mg lorazepam, 30mg oxazepam, 30mg oxycontin, and 75mgs of pregabalin. I do not recommend anyone do this mixture. It’s quite dangerous. I only did it so I could actually feel sleepy and pain free enough to go to bed.

WARNING: IT”S a deadly cocktail.

All drugs aside. I actually woke up feeling like I slept still had the nightmares though.


August 2020

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