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Last night I had a handful of benzos too put me to sleep but I’m awake already and it’s 6am.  I have been having auditory hallucinations lots lately, Its scary, unpredictable and makes me want to carry out orders I don’t want to do. They hospital didn’t seem to think it was a problem. They were so very wrong.

I have no idea what im gonna do today. I guess I’ll just stay out of trouble.



So I feel like shite today and have been for ages now. I told my new doc he thought I should go to hospital. I just don’t know.


I really don’t know how I got this far fu** the pain F*** everything. * Eveyday is so f**ing hard. I’ll be ok I just needed to vent some things. *You can find the uncensored version on the other site . LD

Today was one of my better days but for some reason I’m scared to sleep. It’s real lucky I have a few sleepers to help. The pain was horrible today. I dealt with it best I can. The zyprexia is also good to sleep on.

Tonight I think thats what I’ll do.



Let’s see for my official first post. I’d like to tell you somethings about me. Some of you already know of me through my first wordpress.

About me (at this stage)

under 30

I smoke and have the occasional beer.

Female – physically strong

Chronic pain

Short . Short of alot

attempted suicide

not happy with my self

Long history of mental illness, psycosis, phobias, all kinds

As I said I keep things short as I don’t have much
as I also have ADHD which is currently being treated.



I slept last night pretty well on olanzapine. But it’s left me feeling pretty drained. I’m workin on getting out more to lift my spirits. I wanna be high on life again (Like Tom Cruise on you tube). I have to see a doc son cos ‘m running out of meds. Just thinking of seeing a doc is scaring me. I’ll tell ya how it goes tommorow.

I saw the physio for my back the other day which was really helpful.
Back to sport soon.



Depression is the main reason this blog was made. depression from pain, life and pills. Here I’m going to figure out a way out of this spiriling feeling that overwhelms me.


I’ve made plenty of blogs before but none like this. I’m a person that has highs and lows and eveyday stuggles to get out of bed. I’ve done some bad things in the past. Here I am to write about it. In fact I’ll write about anything. But knowing me it’ll be limited to about 100 words a day.


December 2019
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